Authenticate Yourself

I am really good at pretend,

but I’m opposed to fraud.

and I can run on fumes

the way others run on energy,

but I can’t will an unwilling engine

to turn on just because.

eagerness is a response

to something real

and not just something needed.

the way an imaginary friend is

more real than my appetite,

and when hunger is a craving I’ll eat.

twelve and thirteen hour days

may not lesson my to do’s,

but I am endlessly motivated

by an insatiable drive

with its own timeline.

bay side wedding ceremonies

and barbie play dates,

cross state moves

and adrenaline powered projects,

book store deep dives

and deliberated curation,

and when I’m ready,

requests of my time that don’t

stir me creatively.

maybe when you asked me to be myself,

you meant only one of them.

an earlier moment would have

led me to make that mistake too.

maturing refocused my discipline

into more self knowledge,

and less performance.

and the voice in my head

that would like to collect

these fumes into energy

just can’t tell if her no

is ready

to be met with conditions,

instead of consequences.

perhaps if what was real

felt less straightforward,

and timing anything

but exact

in how it wants to be used.