Authenticate Yourself
I am really good at pretend,
but I’m opposed to fraud.
and I can run on fumes
the way others run on energy,
but I can’t will an unwilling engine
to turn on just because.
eagerness is a response
to something real
and not just something needed.
the way an imaginary friend is
more real than my appetite,
and when hunger is a craving I’ll eat.
twelve and thirteen hour days
may not lesson my to do’s,
but I am endlessly motivated
by an insatiable drive
with its own timeline.
bay side wedding ceremonies
and barbie play dates,
cross state moves
and adrenaline powered projects,
book store deep dives
and deliberated curation,
and when I’m ready,
requests of my time that don’t
stir me creatively.
maybe when you asked me to be myself,
you meant only one of them.
an earlier moment would have
led me to make that mistake too.
maturing refocused my discipline
into more self knowledge,
and less performance.
and the voice in my head
that would like to collect
these fumes into energy
just can’t tell if her no
is ready
to be met with conditions,
instead of consequences.
perhaps if what was real
felt less straightforward,
and timing anything
but exact
in how it wants to be used.