To the tune of Happy Birthday

No sooner did the singing start,

did my tears pore out.

With the heaviness of being squished

into smaller and smaller amounts

and further and further bursts.

I can’t be any smaller than this,

no less unhurried,

no longer poised.

You’ve been stirring me

and out of that stirring

something must come forth.

Something has been witnessed,

is not yet forgotten,

won’t fade into a corner

or hang like a too expensive scarf in my closet.

It’s not like skipping the chance to dry your hair,

or skipping breakfast for another morning.

It’s not a pill you can find in it’s Tuesday compartment.

It’s not anything that’s festered and magnified.

It’s only what it always was.

Unmanageable.

Too easily managed.

Too neatly organized.

Textured.

Piteous.

Full of screams and torturing sobs.

Sobs that swell with the notes of a piano.

A piano that can’t take my pain and prepare a jubilee.

The disquiet roams,

as birthday invites our reappearance and revival,

and recitation of what is irreducible,

non transferable,

and given alongside every birth pang.

Wander as you are inclined,

but wander back.

Be aware that the sun’s rotation

is ever orbiting the same path.

As we change the world

As we neglect our planet

As we puncture our body’s thread line to our divinity

As we are decaying with a distracting podcast playing

As we hold only anything sturdy enough.

With quivering lips,

With unurgert hands,

With numbing tear ducts,

With unpracticed vocal chords,

May something again puncture us further.

Like a birth canal.

Like a puddle jumper.

Like an angel sighting.

Like a state sanctioned killing.

Like a child who lived over their childhood.

Like a body still bold to sound that we have revolved around the sun again.

As we will again,

as long as we’re here.

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Writer. Thinker. Facilitator. Advocate. Invested in accountability for power based violence, creative initiatives, and meaningful, nuanced dialoguing.

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Amanda Lindamood

Writer. Thinker. Facilitator. Advocate. Invested in accountability for power based violence, creative initiatives, and meaningful, nuanced dialoguing.